The All New “Tory Speech” Bingo Game

Standing in the queue at the local indoor Job Hub, my eye was caught by the” state of the art” video link to the National Economic Control Hub, somewhere in London, The Central UK Hub, to give it its proper title.

I say “my eye”, because recently I traded one in for a Free Prescription with The International Health Corporation’s Body Part Trading Hub. But that’s another story.

As I idled away the time with my eye, I listened to our leaders commenting on how they had transformed the economic prospects for the whole country. How now, the time had arrived to make sure everyone shared in the newly created wealth of the country.

As I listened I couldn’t help thinking that I had heard most of it before. But now it had a much more upbeat feel to it. It was still the same phrases, probably produce by the Government Speech Hub, but it was said with a smile.

I may have mistaken the smile for a smirk, but never the less, this was a good news story. I was meant to feel good about this, and if I didn’t there was probably something wrong with me. Maybe I was a militant, or a trade unionist, or I had become infected by “the enemies of promise virus”. Or I was just one of those dreaded non-believers.

That’s when it hit me. Tory Party Speech Bingo. Brilliant. Such a simple idea. And a great way to make sure the scroungers, skivers, the feckless and starving listen to the propaganda, sorry messages, record them and believe. It’s so simple.

This idea is now my intellectual property. I’m drawing up the bingo cards, to include such classic phrases as:

  • Romanian
  • Something for nothing
  • inherited economic mess
  • economic recovery
  • hard-won gains
  • economy in good shape
  • hard-working people
  • hard-working taxpayers
  • benefit culture
  • health tourist
  • rigour
  • in it together
  • reduced the deficit
  • markets
  • rewards for talented bankers
  • our reforms are on track
  • on the side of Hard-working/people/taxpayers/law-abiding (delete as appropriate) (never used with elite/rich/bankers)
  • our reforms are on budget
  • we understand the needs of working people
  • our reforms are designed to empower the unemployed/disabled/working poor
  • we will protect the minimum wage
  • labour cannot be trusted with ————– (insert any word)
  • H2S is essential
  • local people will benefit
  • sharing the benefits of fracking
  • Bulgarians
  • militant union leader
  • 26 million
  • The reason we failed to hit our deficit reduction target is simple. The Liberal Democrats. (This has yet to make an appearance, but should be with us before the end of 2014)

Four corners will win you a tenner. A line 15 quid. To claim your prize simply tick the “I believe” box, and return your winning card to Tory Speech Bingo Control Hub.

If you can capture a picture of any Tory Minister with a smirk on his face whilst using one of these phrases there will be a bonus prize.

New Tory Party Speech Bingo cards will be available soon.

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