Today I receive an election communication from Richard Fuller and Mr Cameron. Maybe you got one too.

My planToday I receive a “communication” from Richard Fuller MP. It’s what’s called an election communication, I think.

Richard tells me he has a plan. I like a plan, especially if it’s a cunning plan. Richard’s plan might just be that, a cunning plan.

“Richard’s plan shows he that he will act to address the key concerns of residents of Bedford and Kempston”. OK so far.

Richard will ensure a safe, sustainable, and modern future for Bedford Hospital. He’ll do that by joining it to Addenbrooke Hospital. That should sort it then.

Richard will “Promote local job creation and enhance skills”. Can’t argue with that.

Richard is going “To improve transport links so Bedford is a centre for business”. He brought the Minister for Growth, Gregg Clark MP, to see some of the ambitious projects he has proposed. This includes a new bridge over the River Great Ouse. Bedford Mayor, Dave Hodgson is also taking credit for this project. Maybe they could have a fight to sort out whose idea it was.

Richard is going to, “Give parents a real choice of great local schools for their children”. He’s met many hardworking teachers and staff. He must have taken a dislike to them, as his party is planning to remove their right to strike. And maybe he’s forgotten what Michael Gove said about teachers. Not many votes there Richard.

Richard wants to, “Make housing more affordable for local residents”. This will involve making it easier for social tenants to buy their homes.

Richard wants to start, “The first community fund by local people for local people”. Charity begins at home. People can contribute whatever they can spare. It could be £1 per year, £1 per month, £1 per week, or £1 per day. That should help offset the Government cuts that are planned.

Off course no Plan would be complete without the fear factor. “Your vote could make the difference – don’t risk it”, says Richard. Bedford is one of a handful out 650 seats that could determine the nation’s future and who will be Britain’s Prime Minister. And you don’t want that awful Ed Miliband when you could have nice David Cameron.Risk

Then to cap it off that nice Mr David Cameron has written me a letter explaining how Richard works so hard for us. Mr Cameron knows this because he has seen it in Westminster. I’ve noticed how he always votes for Mr Cameron’s Bills. Mr Cameron then goes on to warn me about that awful Mr Miliband again. A vote for Mr Miliband, or anyone other than Richard is going to make life very difficult and bring economic chaos. That’s scary. Mr Cameron says I have to vote for Richard because Britain can’t afford to take a turn into chaos.

Mr Cameron finishes by saying I have to make my vote count and back Richard and, “my long-term economic plan”.

I had to think long and hard about this. It’s a tempting proposition. Richard and Mr Cameron, or Mr Miliband. It took quite a while to sort it. Then it hit me.

Tell you what Mr Cameron, you fuck off, I’m going to vote for The Green Party.

Letter

 

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