In an interview with A Fashionable-Gentleman from The Daily Apocalypse, England Manager Dave Camerooney, admits he has been a failure. The Immigrants inflicted a 300 000 defeat on a listless England, leaving Camerooney with nothing left to play for. “I’ve failed”, admitted a battered and dejected Camerooney.
Licking his wounds after the latest defeat by the Immigrant team, Camerooney is now in crisis. The hope and optimism generated by his appointment seems a long time ago. In 2010, when Camerooney took over the job, he promised to sweep away the European challengers, and lead England to the top of the European LDV Sweat-shop Championship Trophy Cup Shield .
England fans gave Camerooney the benefit of the doubt, even though he had failed to lift the Deficit Cup. Having promised to cut the deficit completely, he struggled to explain how his England team managed to double it. Camerooney blamed the poor performances of star midfielder Osborne.
England fans recalled the selection of Coulson in the forward line, and the scandal that followed Coulson’s conviction. They began to question Camerooney’s judgement and team selection. But fans continued to back the team, even though performances were poor.
When the Germans, led by Angela “Foxy” Merkel, arrived in England for the first of two crucial games, Camerooney talked a confident game. But Merkel’s tactics out-witted a poor Camerooney team. Claims of poor refereeing, and Camerooney’s argument that things would get better when the rules were changed, made him sound like a man on borrowed time.
The arrival of Nigel le Garage and his team, with their opportunistic counter attacking, and arrogant ball play game, left England fans fearing the worst. Those fears were realised as le Garage set up his team perfectly. Two straight defeats were inflicted on Camerooney’s England. The fact that Camerooney’s rejects, Carswell and Reckless, scored the goals for le Garage, just rubbed salt into, what many thought, were near fatal wounds. Media pictures of le Garage in the pub with his fans after the game just highlighted how distant Camerooney was from England fans.
Then the “Auld Enemy” from North of the border looked like sweeping Camerooney’s team off the field in an audacious performance. It was only Camerooney’s desperate use of extra-time substitute, experienced midfield battler Brown, which pulled the team back from another humiliation.
Forced into moving Osborne out wide, to make way for Theresa “Stiletto” May, Camerooney expected results to improve. But two back-to-back defeats by Survivors United left Camerooney scratching his head, and May back on the subs bench.
So it was that this week, the Immigrants arrived to play what was a crucial game for Camerooney and his team. We expected a difficult game, but the scale of the defeat, and the humiliation of the 300 000 score line, surely means Camerooney is coming to the end of his tenure as England manager.
Add this week’s scandals, centred on England Headquarters at Westminster and the European office at HSBC in Switzerland, and the calls for Camerooney’s head will only intensify.
The sponsorship deals Camerooney has done, bringing millions into the coffers for those close to him, has angered many England fans. The fact that fans have seen little benefit from this money has left many feeling bitter.
For the majority of England fans it is Camerooney’s arrogance and dismissive approach which has proved to be the decisive factor. Many speak of the England set up being dominated by a select band of narrow-minded bigots. They cite Drunken-Smith, Corporate Head of England Well-being, as the classic case of a man in the wrong job. And Grove’s move to Corporate Grounds Person, whilst being passed off as tactical, was just another example a Camerooney mistake, appointing a man short on ideas and skill, to such a crucial post as Head of Corporate Training and Education.
Many England fans will be glad to see the end of Camerooney and his Austerity approach to the game. They look at the highly paid entourage around Camerooney, the highly paid stars, the sponsors, the dodgy backers, and they wonder where England have gone wrong. For many the answer is simple. England went wrong when they appointed Dave Camerooney as England Manager.
As the cries for a new approach sweep the country, fans are backing new hopefuls from the less fashionable clubs. You see Green scarves being held aloft at games throughout the country.
Camerooney has one last chance to save his England managership. On 7th May Camerooney will lead his team out for The General Carpet Baggers Cup Final. Defeat there, and Camerooney’s time as England Manager will be over.
Many England fans will drink to that. Cheers!